I Almost Went Berserk

Welcome to the first part in a prospective series about exploring my video game backlog. Specifically, I thought it would be very interesting to delve into why a hoard of games I have enjoyed (although briefly) in the past have ended up gathering dust in my Steam library.

The plan is for each of these articles to be divided into a 'before' and an 'after'; the former is about my attitude prior to finishing the game, with the intention of explaining to the best of my ability why I like it, and what led me to never concluding it; the latter section will be written after I have completed the game, whether it's a normal ending, or a satisfying stopping point in the case of certain genres, articulating how my point of view has changed, if at all.

Yes, this is also a really good excuse for me to play said games after what is in some cases, several years.

And with that, I am pleased to announce that I have officially crossed off Dark Souls Remastered from my finally-shortening video game backlog.

Pre- Breaking My Controller

There have been two separate occasions in which I have loaded up Dark Souls on a new save, utterly determined to finally be able to say that I have linked the flame.

The first time I quit as early as the dual Gargoyles fight, most likely due to the noticeable difficulty spike.

On a second attempt about a year later, I made it all the way to Gwynevere, Princess of Sunlight, before I threw in the towel. At this point I think I was just lost for things to do, thinking that the remaining unexplored areas were still too dangerous for my under-levelled Undead.

This was precisely my biggest gripe with the game, I quite literally never knew if I was doing things in the right order. I made it to New Londo with a huge amount of unexplored map on the other side of the city walls, and (without knowing I would soon be able to return) believed myself to be entirely unprepared for the dangers of this new area; the first basic enemy the game threw at me was a variety of the Gargoyle boss from earlier on. I went as far as grinding a few levels by killing the big guards by the bonfire.

I also strongly disliked the obvious lack of polish that the movement and combat had. This is in part because I had played Elden Ring not long before, and for some reason I expected a game released on the PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360 to match the fluency of FromSoftware's newest and most ambitious title. The dodge windows seemed very variable, hitboxes felt like they grew and shrank with the tide, and whoever is responsible for both the jumping, and the abundance of places one can fall to their death, has earned my resentment.

There were positives, the main one being the phenomenal world design, another being my adoration for every boss in the game so far. I was happiest in both of these playthroughs when I could bash my head against a boss repeatedly, rather than constantly trudge through new territory, dying to every trap both the first and second time I go past it. Highlights were the Taurus Demon, Bell Gargoyles, Quelaag, and most of all Ornstein and Smough.

Despite having the best time right at the end of my run (especially since the run-back to the infamous duo-boss was by far the least aggravating), I put the game down as I unlocked the ability to fast-travel.

This brings us up to date.

No Seriously, I Broke My Controller Playing This Game

I wasn't really looking forward to being tossed back into Dark Souls, following my experience a year ago, and now armed with the knowledge that the game is all-around considered to dramatically degrade in quality after the point at which I stopped last time. Regardless, I did want to conduct this little 'before vs after' experiment so I hit install on the game for the third time.

Before I go in-depth into my full playthrough of all major (and most minor) bosses, and completion of the Artorias of the Abyss DLC, I want to talk about the bits I was excited for, and the bits I wasn't.

It had been ages since my last FromSoftware experience, and I genuinely couldn't stop thinking about that juicy level-up screen, and all the tasty UI and HUD that comes with it, seeing the red bar go up as I dump all my souls into vigour. I also pre-emptively did a spot of (spoiler-free) research on the recommended order for every area, as to avoid a similar fate befalling my motivation for reaching the Lord of Cinder. I appreciate a lot of people consider this trial-and-error scanning of dangerous areas to be a key part of the game's difficulty and design, but it was an aspect I did not intend to engage with, for fear of losing my sanity.

The bit of the game I was dreading most was exploring all the areas that were new to me. I had an inkling that an impending wave of frustration was waiting to smother my ambitions, hiding just behind Ornstein and Smough. I knew the basic premise of the late-game, my objective being to find and kill four major bosses, each with their own tedious area to explore, before hitting some old king until he dies. The DLC on the other hand was completely new, but thankfully I discovered I can realistically attempt it anytime after New Londo.

Waking up in a collapsing prison cell, with nothing but some fragile armour and the faintest memory of his name, Zote the Chosen Undead had only one goal - slay the Lord of Cinder or die trying. Multiple times.

Re-familiarising myself with the controls and button-mapping, and after busting out of my cell with the help of my first and only ally, Jim the De-Jailer, I pushed forward to the first boss. Obviously the Asylum Demon stood no match for Zote, in fact he used it as an opportunity to master the art of jump attacks - a skill he proceeded to only use a handful of times for the entire rest of the game.

Big Bird dropped him off at Firelink Shrine where he discovered he actually couldn't link any fire, but he did meet a few other people with whom he never engages with again, like the slightly round guy and the other guy.

I'm going to skip most of the first portion of the game unless I think an area needs talking about in more detail, like if I hated it with extra passion.

I genuinely shocked myself with how fast I blitzed the early bosses, first-trying the Capra Demon and making it to Blighttown in only a few hours. I had decided on a dexterity build since that's what I have the most fun with historically in souls-likes, with Zote wielding the Iaito for almost the whole game once he found it. This also served as a reminder to be patient with the game - I did not stagger enemies and couldn't spam the attack button.

The Bell Gargoyles were the first major roadblock, but having actually utilised the upgrade system as much as possible, I was almost able to kill the first Gargoyle before the second one even landed, meaning I just required a bit of good attack RNG on the boss' part until I was essentially fighting one at a time. Standing on top of the church Zote started having vivid flashbacks from a past life, one with large swinging axes and electrically-empowered Cobra-Men, but he pushed the thoughts to the back of his traumatised mind.

The biggest surprise was my single-digit death count upon reaching Quelaag, despite repeatedly killing myself trying to run past the entire first section of Blighttown. I would almost say I enjoyed the area, but maybe that's just in retrospect when I compare it to everything this game decides to end with.

The opposite should be said for Sen's Fortress, showcased by me more than doubling my total number of deaths here. That said, the boss of the area was extremely underwhelming and clunky - it spent more time seemingly tying its shoelaces than swinging its weapon, giving Zote plenty of time to micro-cut its ankles to death.

That brings us to New Londo, which was straightforward after I remembered that I have to balance across a random roof structure to even progress in the area. I'm going to skip over this entire segment since I actually thoroughly enjoyed it - and it's obviously too boring of a subject matter when my blood isn't boiling.

This is the important part: Would I enjoy what this game had left to offer?

I had hit the highest weapon level that I assumed was currently possible, and took the dive to Old Londo.

Spoilers: We're zero for one so far on the new areas, this one sucked for a multitude of reasons. Zote was fully stumped on how to hit the ghouls for a good twenty minutes until he started using his brain, which was difficult when the area itself was maybe the least visually-interesting so far with the general aesthetic being 'dilapidated town' as before, except this time it's foggy. The water-drainage scene was admittedly very cool, but I can't believe they re-used it from Shadow of the Erdtree, like how unoriginal are we getting here?

Worst of all I literally had to backtrack after losing 20k souls jumping into a hole that apparently I'm wearing the wrong jewellery to enter. I did actually like this instance of progression-locking, I was forced to seek and fight Grey Wolf Sif, whom I likely would've missed otherwise. Yes I did clock that the dog belonged to someone from the DLC, and yes it was very sad, but I killed it anyway because he was wearing my ring or something.

Then I bashed my head against a DPS test that somewhat resembled four kings for half an hour.

Nothing could've prepared me for the absolute hell that was the Demon Ruins (a.k.a. actual Hell). Visually awesome, the ancient architecture poking above an ocean of magma proving to be just as stunning as it sounds. It falls about a kilometre short when we get to the enemies, with only two new ones even featuring.

The rest must've been the result of what happens when a toddler gains access to a developer's computer, closes their eyes, recites a satanic ritual, and spawn-clicks bosses left, right, and centre with no intention of stopping. Thankfully someone intervened before there were no demons left in the underworld to satiate that toddlers desire for despair.

How do I even talk about the Bed of Chaos. The very epitome of pointless gimmick bosses, not only did Zote never once successfully dodge any sweep attack made by the oversized weed, he also must've been magnetically attracted to all the cracks in the ground - it was pure luck that he ever reached the random fucker cowering in the middle of the bush at all. -1/10 I'd rather fight more copy/pasted Capra Demons. The Ceaseless Discharge was cool though.

What's worse than fighting bullshit skeletal dogs with oversized hurtboxes and insane reach? Only one thing - doing that in the dark. Needless to say the standard has yet to be raised off the floor after beginning my quest for the Lord Souls. The Tomb of the Giants was, in reality, just Zote trying to memorise the exact controller inputs to get his ass from the last campfire to the fog-gate without getting his shit kicked in.

Gravelord Nito himself was honestly the best Lord so far, but the inclusion of additional enemies did taint all four attempts it took me to kill him. This isn't impressive by the way, I spent an hour on this boss, I just died on the runback 98% of the time.

You'll be pleased to know (or you might not care) that the final area did indeed raise the standards off the floor, up to about carpet-height. The Duke's archives finally achieved both a good visual design, and somewhat decent level design. Zote had never seen rotating staircases before so he did get lost, but he did genuinely love this area and remarkably didn't get frustrated.

Before going into the game, Seath the Scaleless appears the far more interesting lore-wise and arguably aesthetically too, and he didn't disappoint when I fought him. The entire feel was in a goldilocks zone where it was able to convince me I was having fun, to the point where I actually smiled. He could do with providing a bigger challenge, given he's the dragon that betrayed his own race and came out on top.

Zote made his way over to the giant turtle so he could be ingested and then vomited up next to the brazier where he deposited his four Lord Souls. Before pushing forward though, he had some research to do.

I don't mind looking up how to do certain aspects of games generally, and I didn't mind here, since it's very typical of anything that overlaps with the metroidvania genre to have some obscure way to access its DLC - or maybe that's the fault of Dark Souls.

After some backtracking and slaying a hydra that apparently can't regrow its heads, Zote involuntarily entered a mysterious portal on his path to extra content.

Knight Artorias is my favourite boss in the game. Even ignoring some of the most emotional and thought-provoking lore the game has to offer, taking only pure visuals and mechanics into account, he stands leagues above the competition.

Attacks are well-telegraphed yet require careful dodging, your windows to retaliate are limited yet incredibly rewarding, and something about the setting stood out to me in a way that I can't really explain - it's definitely the fight that resonates with me the most when I ponder about my time with Dark Souls

The rest of the DLC was a breath of fresh air compared to the horrors I'd gone through mere hours earlier, with well-balanced enemies, detailed environments, and memorable NPCs like Blind Hawkeye. Zote also picked up the Gold Tracer when he realised he actually had enough upgrade materials to max it out for the final couple of bosses.

Manus, Father of the Abyss, was a very cinematic fight too. Being flooded with Elden Ring emotions and thoughts, I loved every second of the experience - a feeling that significantly grew after I realised he took more damage when you attack his oversized limbs.

I enjoyed the DLC so much that I even went out of my way to execute what was somehow my first Dark Souls dragon, a fight that consisted almost entirely of me standing right underneath its arse where it could rarely even attack me.

With the DLC completed, Zote the Chosen Undead made his way to the final boss. He trudged through ashen dunes and past collapsed monuments, reflecting on what tribulations he'd been put through to get to this point, and on what final trial Hidetaka Miyazaki had planned for him. Whatever happened now, Zote knew the feeling of setting his sword down would be a far greater reward than mere souls or titanite shards.

He was thinking for a while, because the build-up to Gwyn, Lord of Cinder, was so goddamn long. When he finally arrived, his feet sore and his blade beginning to rust, he sat forward in his chair and concentrated more than he ever had before - he did not know if he had the life left in him to make that journey again.

Aesthetically, Gwyn was a 10/10. Mechanically, I was left wanting. His attacks consisted of swinging his sword, swinging his sword the other way, swinging it the other way again but faster, and jumping at me before swinging his sword. The music was a mild let-down too. I haven't spoken much on the music in the game, and I've loved it for the most part, but I was expecting something a bit more dramatic for the climax of the game, despite being appropriately sombre.

With that, and with a few more attempts at Gwyn, I bid Zote farewell. As did I to the First Flame. I left the arena knowing full-well the consequences. I preferred the ending in which I do not perpetuate the cycle of ridiculous runbacks, overly-generous hitboxes, and unpredictable grab attacks. No longer shall this world suffer, nor will anyone ever again. Bring on the Age of Men.

Closing Thoughts

Whilst my general opinion of most of the game is seemingly quite negative, I actually did love it. It's hard to put into words exactly how I feel; I don't think I would ever play it again yet I will treasure my memories and experiences with Dark Souls Remastered. It's not because of the perceived reputation of the game either - I'm not happy purely because I can tell people I have beat Dark Souls, although that is a substantial element.

The feeling is best encapsulated by me breaking my controller. I broke it not by throwing it in rage, nor by slamming it against more desk, nor even by spilling the beer that I was drinking to make me care less when a wheel made of bones hit me six times consecutively. I broke it when I beat Gwyn. I celebrated by raising my hands in ecstasy, damaging the port on the controller in the process.

The emotions of elation, awe, and perfect rapture far outweigh any frustration; eroding any negative feelings away, leaving no scar.

In fact, I'm thinking about playing Dark Souls 2.